This is what it looks like when a Talan goes swimming:

Aquaman

Much to my surprise, Talan is tolerating swimming lessons. They are going as good as you would expect a Talan to swim. He wears giant scuba resembling goggles every day, and is insanely proud if he gets his chin in the water when it is time for face dunking. He only has 3 days left to claim his reward of a Wendy's lunch for getting his entire face in the water. Can he do it?

We lucked out this year with the last swim lesson time of the day which also ends 30 minutes before the pool opens to the public, so we are allowed to stay and play in the water before all the crazy kids show up. 

While this kid is working hard on learning to stay afloat,:

the other two-thirds of my offspring population is waiting, ready for the frogs class to emerge from swim school so they can have a turn. 

 Thanks to Syphr's puddle jumper floaty, he is a pro at swimming all over the entire pool with only a mom or Ashton follower for extra safety. 

Nothing good ever happens at 4am

Second to worst way to start your day:

At 4am. I would not wish that wake up time on my worst enemy. 

WORST way to start your day:

At 4am to the sound of a crash, car alarms and yelling.

Unfortunately, my morning landed on the worst side of things. What I thought was the best parking spot because it did not require parallel parking, is actually like painting a big red target for drunk drivers. I'm still not quite sure what exactly happened. I know the drunk first hit the back of the car parked in front of me, taking out his front headlight. He then told me he backed up to assess the damage (aka drive off as fast as possible. as if a drunk person assess anything, let alone damage they do to someone else.), then at some point while backing up he hit my car hard enough to flip his car sideways, and push mine half way on the curb, bend the axle, and make the front door unable to close. I was unaware backing up at high speeds is the correct way to assess the situation. 

After coming to reality and realizing I was not having an extremely vivid dream, and as yelling began to start I dialed 911. In the 5 minutes it took for the two police cars to arrive a neighbor from across the street, who apparently witnessed the entire situation (he must have a worst enemy who is okay with wake up option number one), came across the street yelling very non accident things at the drunk driver, instead of summoning the police, and speaking directly to them.

Drunk person 101: don't engage the alcoholic. Not only that, but don't shout profanity filled racial comments at the drunk, especially when your skin happens to be the same color as his. Also important, don't encourage the drunk to hit you so you can tattle when the cops get there. One punch was thrown, but since this is America and, although close, Obama hasn't completely screwed up the first amendment yet, I will say, he totally deserved it. I would have hit him too. 

Just after things escalated, the police showed up and ruined the show. The first half hour of the cops arrival was spent on hashing out the argument between the two morons. Who said what, who hit who. These idiots, who couldn't keep their mouth shut, are shredding my very precious sanity reviving sleep time.  The driver was asked if he had anything to drink. He and his girlfriend who was the passenger both said no. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn't stand still, but the cops weren't convinced. This was the first time I was able to witness a police enforced drunk test. The guy passed the walking in the straight line, passed standing on one foot, and then came the alphabet. He had to say the letters C-T. Not only did he not preform this part of the test, but had to have the instructions explained to him several times because he was convinced he the officer was mistaken and he was supposed to say the entire alphabet backwards. He must watch too many episodes of COPS. He also failed  the breathalyzer  test, was handcuffed, and driven off. Drunk's girlfriend was concerned when he was taken away because she was too intoxicated to drive her car home. She then became more concerned when the police pointed out even without alcohol she would not be able to drive her car as her wheel was totally bent and the tire was laying on the ground. 

Three hours later AAA showed up to tow my 4 month old car (who is still nameless. anyone know what a child would be named if it's parents were electricity and silence with a hint of Ke$ha?)  to the body shop. It had to be dragged off the curb, and now we must wait, without transportation, until Monday because apparently Geico doesn't believe accidents happen on the weekend, or they just don't care if people have lives and no way to get their kids where they need to go. 

 My early riser came to watch the show. He was hoping there would be a firetruck I'm sure. 

The two good thing that came out of this situation is my 10 year old is able to witness the consequences of not only drinking, but also driving drunk. No good decisions are made from 12am-7am. People just need to go to bed. And also, we weren't in the car. 

Success

It may have taken 29 years, but I would like to announce I have successfully baked a cookie that didn't come out of the oven crispy and flat as a pancake. Ashton, while thrilled to finally have a mom who is capable of baking  a normal looking cookie, strongly urged me to work more on my baking skills so that one day I can become the best grandma ever.

Apparently when you're 10 the grandma blue ribbon is solely dependent on baking skills. Hopefully I will have at least another 15 years or so before I have to enter the grandma bake off.

It seems fitting Syphr is good with numbers

Why yes my newly turned 2 year old busted out a flawless count to 14, and looks adorable doing it! 

Jaws

Lately it has been Talan's life goal to annoy Syphr in any way. He pulls a Cash, takes Syphr's baby and runs while holding it in the air. Syphr chases him screaming. Talan drops the baby and races to steal Syphr's seat.  Syphr runs back shouting, "NO TALAN! THATS MY SPOT!!", but this time he hits Talan in the head. Talan retaliates by rolling his body into Syphr and pressing his head into Syphr's legs. At this point Syphr is so livid he can't contain himself. If he keeps shouting, and punching, Talan just comes back, so, he bites. He only bites Talan. 

Yesterday he pushed Talans head down and bit him right on the forehead. If I were Syphr, I would have bitten him too.